Wednesday, February 18, 2009

my freakout last night.

I was watching Biggest Loser last night & every Tuesday night that I watch it, I find myself feeling stronger, able to work out my last 3 days of the week (I workout 5 days each week). Last night, it was a little different.

I felt so bloated yesterday. I went & weighed myself & I had gained 6 lbs. IN ONE AFTERNOON. How is that even possible? So, yes. I started freaking out. Here I am being a good girl, staying on task, really hitting the workouts out of the park, seeing my body 'shrink' in clothes, and yet...6 lbs. gained in one afternoon.

so, my groom & I went & looked at my MACROS & I can honestly say that my sodium may be to 'blame' I'm going to keep a closer eye on them to see if may be the real issue...I don't know. But this is an example of my MACRO's yesterday

  • Slim Fast
  • 2 boiled eggs
  • tomato soup (1/2c)
  • low fat cheese slice
  • TLC snack
  • low fat bread(diet)
  • turkey (2)
  • light/diet chips *nasty won't eat them again*
  • banana
  • whey protein shake

for the sum total of:

75g Protein

1050 Calories

37 Fat

131 Carbs

and my target was




and I also drank a gallon of water.

I got up this AM & weighed again & I'm back down to 131. If I don't lose weight, this will be the 3rd week I've weighed this.

today, I'm tracking my sodium & trying to keep it below/around 1500mg. Talk about hard to do. I know I love math, but tracking is not easy. So far I have only 115mg, but I've not had lunch yet. I'm avoiding salt like the plague to see if I'm retaining part of all this water I'm drinking. It's a trial & error type of thing. It's not magic....but it will work once I get the right combination.

I cried last night. A lot. I curled up to my husband & cried for me. I know that it was selfish, but I don't remember ever trying so hard (physically) to not get the end results that I've wanted. It's been a really long year...and my 2 week attempt to get into the 120's is being met with resistance from my body. It likes being fluffy.

There are many reasons for my many layers to this onion called my life. Somewhere, deep inside of me, there's still the voice of someone that use to be mean to me telling me that I'm weak, that I cant & last night it was really loud...and me. I know this freakout is just part of the journey & I KNOW that it will work...but last night was full of the "what if I don't's" that haunt me. There are no words that I know that can describe how failure feels......when you know you're giving 110% & still your weight does nothing....or goes up for part of the just boggles my little mind.

the children are adapting to the low carb menus. They mention missing our old way of snacking, etc. and of course as hard it is on the adults in the house I know it's hard for them. In the long run it's going to be worth it. They won't have the struggle with the same things I struggled with, and I'm happy about that....sure, they may miss having comfort foods they use to have, but I'm hoping that is replaced with healthier comfort foods....we shall see.


Lady Katryna said...

*hugs* I think your are keeping your calories to low to lose weight. Remember at the beginning of this seasons show Bob had to get the kid to eat more to lose weight. The kid was eating so little with all the exercise that he wasn't losing weight.

These two web sites might help you to come up with a more realistic calorie calculation for the amount of exercise that you are doing.

Remember that to few GOOD calories can sabotage weight lose as fast as to many.

You are also right in watching your sodium intake.

K said...

this has been a year long (give or take) thing of trying to figure out, so, I already did the increase in calories, etc. & all it did was maintain me.

according to my BMI, my height, etc. my macros should be just 'low' enough to 'shock' me out of this slump. I'm only taking in 150-250 calories less per day. Not a huge difference.

thanks for the links! Off to look at them !

Anonymous said...

Remember, it is not so much about losing weight but being strong. You can be 140lbs and be skinny fat (all flab) or you can be 140lbs and be strong. Although they are both the same weight, the second 140lbs will look skinnier because of the muscle. Don't look so much at the scale instead focus on measurements. I measure myself every month to track change. Although the scale is there, it is not a very good indicator of the changes.

In the same thread, I went 6 months without losing any weight at all then all of a sudden I lost 5 and then 10. Don't give up hope, just keep at it and it will show results.

I have read many places where people lose 1-lb a week. It hasn't happen to me and I exercise about 9-12 hrs a week. I am lucky to lose 1-lb a month but I am now looking into building muscle so I doubt the scale will budge at all since muscle weighs more :).

Just keep at it and you'll see results.

K said...

thank you so much!!! I am near tears reading what you wrote me...I'm a little discouraged right now, but I'm not giving up.