Tuesday, October 28, 2008
I started reading "Knit Together" written by Debbie Macomber, yesterday and I'm already blown away and I'm only on page 57.
There were a many things I didn't know about this author, starting with the fact that she is dylsexic (that runs in my family. My Dad, brother, and youngest daughter have it). It's so encouraging to read her writing and know that came from such a struggle.
we all have dreams, I know that I do. It's just that, here I am almost 39 & I haven't found my 'purpose' yet. My groom found his meaning to fullfill God's purpose in his life when he started the nursing program. I'm telling you it just clicked. I've not had that 'clicking' moment yet...and before reading this book I wondered if somehow God had no purpose for me......I mean who am I? I'm just a simple homeschooling Mother, what kind of natural talents could I possibly have to futher Gods kingdom?
since just starting this book, I've found out that perhaps instead of having no purpose perhaps my purpose is later in life, or maybe I'm not looking hard enough at my purpose to know this is what God wills for my life.
"it's not about me".....that is something I really need to learn more. I get into such a depression that I withdraw from my online friends, and groups I'm apart of because I feel so negative about everything. I'd rather not be somewhere if I feel that perhaps I won't show the best side of a Christian, and I certainly don't want to be a stumbling block, I'd rather be a stepping stone.
I know that God had it in His plan for that book to come this week. Tomorrow will be 3 years since Sugar Momma passed away with ALS, and I normally just want to crawl into a dark hole and die. If you don't understand what it's like to live without your Mother, when you were such apart of their lives, I'm sure you'd not understand that statement, but it's still the truth.
this book has been a God send to me. It's helped to get me to try & climb out of this depression hole I'm in lately. I'm reading it as fast & soaking it up as fast as I possibly can so that I can understand more about God's purpose for me.
I've prayed and prayed about this, and perhaps God is whispering to me, and maybe I need a hardy shout from Him to understand. I just want to be the best human I can be.