Monday, January 26, 2009


my step brother, Matt, seemed to be doing better yesterday afternoon...thank God. I hate that I don't get to go in & see him because of my stupid immune system..I've only seen him thru glass 2 times (as they were taking him to do tests) & I haven't even gotten to do so much as hold his hand since he's been in there. I want to comfort him, I am after all, the big sister.

his Mom, my step mom, is understandably a mess. This is hitting her especially hard because she's lost a child already (he was only 9, and a car hit him). I'm not use to seeing her this way, she's normally so strong and has nerves of steel.....

when I first went to the hospital, the moment she saw me she started crying. I had everyone stop for prayer, bless her heart she needs the extra comfort. I want to fix this for her, for my step brother, but I can't.......but I know the ONE that can.

there's something about going thru what I went thru with my own Mom that makes you unshaken when it comes to ICU, and hospital visits...for me I know no shame & I don't care to ask the questions that my step Mom is afraid to is weird, her leaning on me like this.....but it's also heartwarming because she knows she can.

after countless hours at the ICU waiting room, I'm having to 'take off' from going down there & won't be back until Tuesday (my groom has our only auto), and I have to medicate myself here to stay healthy until I can go back again...when I see him Tuesday, Lord willing, I'm going to tell him what a miracle from God he is....what a blessing he's received....I'm sure he already knows, but what good am I as a big sister (even one that is a come lately) if I don't give him this encouragement and talk...I want to talk to him about Jesus, and I pray that God gives me the words....Lord give me the words...I want him in Heaven with me when his time comes, and I pray it's a long time from now!

18 more months until my groom is out of college & we are hoping to move to far away that seems...I wish it were tomorrow...I hate it here, I hate it here, I hate it here....why, you ask??? here's an example

while I was in the waiting room with my's quiet & then he say's

"you are a good Mom & I'm thankful you don't let the fact you don't have 2 of your kids change that.."

<-I'm so shocked I can't say a word

he says

"it must be hard just knowing they probably won't be back in your life, ever. But, at least you have your 2 here."

<-still shocked

then I say

"Only God knows, Dad.I knew what I signed up for when they were adopted"

sometimes I want to say he's a jerk for even saying things like that, but then I realize that's just him & let it go..I mean, HELLO.....hows that for bringing me to the brink of tears....where's the positive thinking, Dad? grrr. I'm just tired of the stupid things tired of it.

my Granny, that promised her car to me, has decided to instead sell it to someone else. My Dad called me to tell me that. I know that she doesn't need the money, but I can't say a word because it's #1 her car, and #2 I have no rights to say anything, #3 if I say anything about how not only she promised me the car, but Dad did too that makes me look all childish & stuff. Once again it's just par for the course. Why did she even mention it to me? I don't know. She has her reasons & I'm sick to death of trying to figure it out....I just want to let it go already.....but it hurts........I'm disappointed but I know God has His reasons & it will be okay....I just don't know what else to say about that.....

moving on......I mean what else can one say?

on the knitting front

I'm doing the edge work on the shawl I am's my own pattern, and I can't wait to see how it knits up :o) After that I'm going to knit myself a sweater & then I'm going to knit my groom a jacket with this on the back

it's the Cambridge Jacket from Interweave knits & I'm using knit pro program to chart the strand knitting on the back. This will probably take me forever, but man I want to make this so much for him! Maybe it will make the kids want some of my knitted designs if this turns out well :o)

a friend of mine from Rav. met with me yesterday (neither of us could stay long because of other obligations), but it was wonderful to meet her! She brought me some fiber & a niddy noddy that she made herself! It's just beautiful! I gave her a 'thank you' present of a picture album stand with a brass design (saying) on it! I hope she likes it! :o)

I like about $40 having my wheel paid this seems to be moving at a snails pace, doesn't it? LOL I have a check to cash & mail in today & someone is sending a money order for some locks I'm selling, and after that I will probably owe about $20.....*squee*!! Hopefully more web work will come in & it will be paid for soon. The woman I'm buying it from is awesome & is letting me have 90 days to have it paid for!!!

well, thats about it......please pray for my step brother & his Mom.....thank you so much!