Wednesday, December 31, 2008

These guys are my life.

These children are my life.

last night, I dreamed that I received a diagnosis that meant my life would end soon. I dreamed that I didn't have the chance to tell my children how much they mean to me, and that I didn't get to be here for them as they grew up & as adults in life. It was one of the worst nightmares I've had in my life....but it has inspired me to do something.
Supergirl & Wonderboy,
I know that you both understand that I love you, and that my whole world revolves around you....but I don't know if you could possibly have the understanding of how much joy you both bring me every single day, nor could you know how my heart fills with such pride & such love just seeing you both grow every day. I am truly blessed....and it's because God let me be your Mom.
I feel like we've grown up together, I feel like you both are growing still. Y'all came into my life and showed me such love and gave me more hope than I ever truly imagined I could have in my life.
it is said that a man that has friends is rich much more can be said for a Mom, who has children like you both. You've been here when we were homeless and had all our belongings in a garbage bag....and you both loved me like I was as big as the've been here to see some hard stuff, like seeing how my Mom suffered & died with ALS, you both were so 'growny' and understanding when she was going thru that fight, and were my rocks when Jesus called her home. How'd yall know to do that? You are both just the best kids ever.
when all is said and done for me, and yall are raising your families......there may come a time that I'm not here to be your day-to-day Mom.....but know that I'm here just the same. As long as that golden heart of yours is beating, I will be there filling it with my love. Memories mean long has you have those memories, you truly live forever, remember that.
don't you ever doubt how much I love you both. Don't ever look at a single second of your life & wonder if you made me anything less than happy....because of you both I know the true meaning of real love. You both have been the brightest spots in a less than bismal existance.......before you both I wasn't the woman I needed/wanted to be, but the very minute yall came into my life I have reached, grasphed, crawled, scraped, and clawed my way to where I am today. I'm no where near perfect, but because of yall, and the grace of God I am better than I was. I can never thank y'all enough for being such good children.
if I live to be 100, or don't live another day.......if anyone in Heaven ever asks me what my favorite part of being here was I will proudly/happily/merrily say it was you both.
Until I loved you both I never understood the meaning of true love, how my heart just fills with such love for you both........y'all are my everything.
there will come a day when someone will break your heart. I know plenty about heartbreak, and I pray that I'm here to be strong for you and help you, but if I'm not there's one thing I want you to remember........God doesn't make junk. Yep. And God loves you. Just keep on keeping on & doing what God has you to do and it will work out. You deserve the best..........hold OUT for it. Marriage is there for a reason, it's worth waiting for. Don't make the mistakes I made, because we all know how that part of my life turned out, and I certainly don't want that for either of you.
there will also be days that sad things happen. Things that are so hard & heartbreaking that you don't think you can make it thru the day. If those days, or when those days happen.....come to see me & I will make you some comfort foods, and I promise at least one giggle and about a million hugs. However, if I'm NOT there because Jesus has called me home, light a candle for me & curl up in one of the blankets/quilts I've made you....and just talk out loud about it.......I promise you will feel my have to feel my love, because even after life ends, love remains.
there will come a time in your life that you will have extra change in your pocket....or extra folds in your pocket. Give it away. Yes, I said GIVE IT AWAY. I know you've seen how we've done thru the years, and I know you both know how it comes back when you need it the most....remember, you can't out give God. You just can't.
When the day comes that you marry, I pray that I'm here to see that wonderful day......however, if I'm not know that I'm in your heart STILL.......put a picture of me somewhere, or carry something that I've made.......and you will think of me and smile.....remember on that day how precious you are to me and how I expect the person you marry to treat you even more special. I mean it. Don't accept less.
if the Lord blesses you with children, ohhh I pray He does! I pray that I'm here to be Gammy, but if I'm with Jesus, I want you both to promise to tell them all about me all the time.....promise me that you will talk about the fun we've had, and the times we've laughed...promise me. Whenever you look into your wee ones eyes & feel so much love in your heart that you feel it may burst I want you to remember that's how I feel about you both.....every day, all the time.......remember how I tell you that you still take my breath away because you both make me so proud.......every day. And someday you will understand that because you will be parents.
I pray that I'm here for your ups and downs, and that God lets me live until I'm too old to dye young, but whether that happens or not, know that I will be in Heaven.........waiting for you both....the end of life here is not the end......our love will go on......and we will be reunited, and with Jesus. How perfect will that be?
How I love you both. You will not ever know how much. You both are my world, and my life is all the more better because y'all are my children. Thank God for y'all.